Two steps forward....and three steps back

Good morning!  It's been fun today.  Cary had a decent nights sleep (yet ate pita last night) and had a major meltdown over getting his cuticles clipped.  He often has long pieces of skin that grow out from his cuticles.  (He picks at them so we have to keep them clipped or they get infected).  So, he freaked out!  Crying, screaming, shrieking.....It wasn't pretty.  It made me cry, Chris was frustrated...I can't explain how it feels when they have an experience like that. 

I had to do the pressure hug (calms the nervous system), talk softly, and then get out the door in time for speech!  Better than coffee to wake you up.

While Cary was in speech; Chris and I had a chance to talk.  It's not always an Autism thing.  Some of it is probably Cary growing up but not ready to grow into what he is feeling or how is body is changing.  It's a sensory thing.  Chris couldn't understand how he could do it before and now, it just couldn't happen.  EX:  About a year (maybe a little less) before Cary was diagnosed, I took him to Sport Clips to get his haircut.  He had managed to get to the point of sitting in the chair by himself with a sucker.  One day, we pulled up and he started shrieking; out of the blue.  No rhyme, reason or explanation.  So, it's been Grandma ever since.  (We had a brief stint with another lady in Kingwood.  She was good.  Maybe we should go back).

So, it doesn't always matter, it just happens.

Then, he had a great day in Speech.  Greeted people in the hall way, looked them in the eye, appropriate responses; good coversation.  His therapist is really pleased.  (He has had the same one for 3 years.)  Had some trouble with retelling a story; but a good day all in all.

Beauty for ashes.....But it's all good.  Tacos after then the park.  A little schoolwork and it's been a good day.  Papa is off to an interview and I"m off to work.  My little man will be hangin' with Grandma.

My word....Wednesday was a day!  Cary and I had our "date."  Such joy.  I love spending time with my favorite guy.  BUT....isn't there always one?!  We passed by and rode.....elevators.  Vickie, I"m so sorry.  I was tired of fighting.....I know, I know.  Trust me....That's all I"ve heard about for the past 24 hours.  Atleast it gives me a renewed vow to deal with it.

During lunch, not so bad.  I had him at Hubbel and Hudson in the cafe area.  We sat in a corner without the "E" being visible.  We managed to get through lunch with him getting a little excited by the microwave.  Being in a busy place by one of his favorite things and having buttons to push.  Mild recipe for "learning." 

It wasn't too bad.  EXCEPT, I added insult to injury.  I let him have a off diet cupcake.  (I don't know where all the places are to find acceptable desserts and sweets in the Woodlands).  BAD move.  (melt down in the car on the way home when I tried to hand him the phone to talk to Papa and another two un-preciptated small ones. )  We also went to the Mezzaine level at H and H so I could drink some coffee.  (needed the energy!) 

BUT the coolest part of his idiosyncratic ways; we are at the MZ level and he hears California Dreamin' by the Mamas and the Papas.  He looks at this table of 2 ladies and says "Listen, it's California Dreamin by the Mamas and the Papas."  I loved it!  Now, they had been watching us the entire time we were up there.  Probably because Cary was sitting by the big "E" to watch the doors or laying on his stomach so he could look at .....something with the "E".  I don't think they knew what to make of it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-aK6JnyFmk

Then I watched Loving Lamposts on Netflix.  It was all about Autism; varying degrees of it, treatment etc.  I came away with many things.  Most of all I"m scared.  I'm scared of what the future holds, of not treating Cary in the right way; raising him the best way I know how; getting him ready for the future; helping him "grow-up" and navigate the life. 

He is going to have a girl friend in 6-8 years.  He will be going to college in 10 years.  I"m scared.  I've got to let go some, but I"m scared.  I just want to protect my baby as much as I can.  I don't want anyone to ever harm him, hurt him; etc. 

Every parent goest through this; but a parent of a child with Autism - 100 fold more.  We have so many more things to think about in addition to the "NT" things of most parents.  It just is.....